Things I'm Afraid of

The dark

Clowns

Dolls

Scary movies

Failure

Getting a slap to the face instead of the doorstep scene

Mediocrity 

Mannequins

Regret

Hating my job

Fake people

Bald people(more of an intimidation thing)

Misspelled words 

Heights

Heights

I'm terrified of heights

Crazy people

Telling a bunch of people I don't really know that well all of my fears

Thoughts

(inspired by Nelson's Twitter post)

I actually look forward to a future desk job. Coming in each day, fixing problems, making money for my family. Maybe that makes me weird. But I feel like it'd be much more satisfying than what I'm being forced to do now.

Forced to do AP Stats homework even though I already know all the math I'll ever need in my life. 

Memorizing physics formulas even though I plan on becoming a lawyer and, frankly, physics doesn't interest me.

So yeah idk. I look forward to coming home to my wife and kids and being able to spend the days with them, instead of worrying if so and so likes me back or who I'm gonna ask to the next dance.

And I know that all of that comes with responsibilities and taxes and stuff but I think the good easily outweigh the bad.

Now I don't mean to say I want my teenage years gone. I want to enjoy them while they last. Even though high school should be nobody's peak, it's a fun time to not take yourself as seriously as you'll have to in the future. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not dreading the future. I just hope that as I'm nearing my 30th or 40th birthday, that I'm not looking back at my high school years and wishing I could go back.

Bricks

I miss the times when the only bricks I ever thought about were legos. And they were colorful. Blue, green, red, yellow. Not the boring old brown of the bricks used to build houses. Where I was carefree and not worrying about my tests and assignments due this week and my college application due in a month and practice and everything else. Bricks mean growing up. Getting a house. Being an adult. And I'm not sure that I'm ready to embrace any brick that isn't a lego.

Quote of the Week

"Our direction is more important than our speed" -Larry R. Lawrence 

Reality check

It was only when I started getting the emails that I realized that I'm not ready to graduate.

Robot

I don't feel like I'm a robot. I eat. I drink. I bleed. I cry(more than I'd like to admit). 

But I have a lot more in common with robots than I would think. 

I do the same thing almost every day.

I recharge every night.

I really don't know myself that well.

I'm constantly using electronic devices.

I act to please those above me.

I have a hard time expressing my feelings.

So no, I'm not a robot. But lately I've been catching myself feeling a lot more robotic than human.

I wasn't in love

Or at least I don't think I was. I'm not sure what love is, really. I thought I might have known at the time, but I must've been wrong. I think it could've been love, maybe. But it was over before it started and I was left longing with an empty heart and a broken friendship.